Looking out as the sun’s rays reflect over the placid waters of the river across from my home, I sit back and wonder where the time has gone. Almost a year and a half ago my heart was broken into a million pieces. And although it will never be the same, I am content in knowing that somehow I survived. I survived the loss and the pain. I survived the loneliness and heartache. Yes, my second half is still gone but I have found a way to feel almost whole again. At least for the most part.
No more curling up in the dark corners of my mind and of my home. No more wishing the night away. No more crying myself into a restless sleep. No more ignoring the well-meaning phone calls of family and friends. No more pushing memories out of my head that are too painful to remember.
Somehow I have found my way to the light. Knowing that I was truly loved by a wonderful man seems to help. And so now I find it easier to laugh and occasionally sing. Maybe one day I will find my way to dance and even one day to love again.
The thought of falling in love scares me. I can’t deny. There are so many unknowns. So many “what ifs”. But I long to find myself in the arms of a lover whose eyes light up when I walk in the room. One who just the sound of his voice makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter.
A day will come again when I can look into someone’s eyes and see my love reflected in his. One day we will whisper those three little words as we reach for each other in the dark. And he will make me feel safe again. One day I will find someone who will make me feel as if I am his reason for living. One day I will laugh and love without resistance. One day my heart will soar again. And I will remember what it feels like to be loved unconditionally.
But for now…for today…as I watch the sun begin to set with its orange, red and yellow tones, I feel satisfied in knowing that one day I can be whole again. At least for the most part.