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Table For One

Have you ever sat in a movie theater watching the latest blockbuster… by yourself? Or ate at a fancy restaurant and order your favorite dish at a table for one? Me? Sit at Mulino’ myself? For some of us the thought of doing any of these kind of things on our own makes us break out into a cold sweat.

Many of us put our lives on hold waiting for the “right time.” Waiting for the right person to come along; waiting for the kids to get older; waiting to lose weight; waiting for retirement; waiting for a new job. We waste so much time waiting. Waiting to live a better life when in fact we can and should start building that “better life” right now.

Will the movie be any less spectacular because I wasn’t holding someone’s hand? Will the “Gnocchi Mulino” taste any less mouthwatering because I ate it alone?

Some of us see a person sitting alone in a movie theater or at a restaurant and think “oh that poor soul. He/she must not have any friends.” But did we ever stop to think that maybe that person prefers to be alone. That maybe it was their choice. Maybe they are comfortable being in their own company. We need to find a way to be comfortable with ourselves. To be comfortable in our skin. To be our own best friend. It’s great to be surrounded by family and friends but every once in a while we need to take the time to be alone and get to know ourselves. Getting to know who we really are inside.

For the past 3 ½ years, since my husband’s death, I have refrained from doing many things because I was alone. If one of my friends was not able to go or I didn’t have a date to accompany me then I didn’t go. I missed out on so many experiences because I was waiting….waiting. Finally I thought to myself “what a stupid way to live”. Who said I couldn’t go see the latest “Avengers” movie because my husband was no longer there to explain the backstory on each character…in detail? Why couldn’t I ask for a table for one at Mulino’s? Why couldn’t I go to a jazz concert alone when my friends had other things to do?

I recently made up my mind. That’s it! No more waiting! If there's something I want to do I'm doing it. Lately I’ve been going to jazz concerts, art shows, taking walks on the waterfront, long drives in the country and much more…by myself. And you know what? I didn’t burst into flames and I didn’t die of embarrassment. In fact, I found it kind of refreshing. I found I actually enjoyed my own company. (Imagine that.) I mean seriously, I could come and go as I pleased. No one to complain the art show was boring. Or that jazz was not “really their thing”. I didn’t have to go somewhere I didn’t want to go or do something I didn’t want to do. Now don’t worry, I’m not going back into my hibernation mode like I did over three years ago. What I’m doing is getting to know me. What do I want in life? What will I accept and not accept from others? What do I need? And what can I do to get it?

Actually I’ve been getting the hang of it and having fun. So much so that I recently booked a cruise to the Bahamas. By myself! But my sons thought I was going a bit overboard (no pun intended) so my oldest son volunteered to come with me. He said it was so I wouldn’t be alone. But as a father of a newborn I suspect it’s so he could get a few nights of uninterrupted sleep.

I have decided that this summer is the beginning of me getting to know me…spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. So next week I’m going to order that table for one at Mulino’s. I’m going to wine and dine myself. And get to know Sylvia. I want to know me better than anyone. After all I’m going to be spending a lot of time with myself. So I really should try to like who I am and who I am growing to be. What better way to do that then by spending some quality time with my very best friend…me.

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